


To Ten Million Fireflies (Don't Say Goodbye)

by LiNafied



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-08 17:09:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12258573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiNafied/pseuds/LiNafied
Summary: Despite the distance and their difference in existence, Wendy will never let anything come between hers and Irene's relationship.A tale of compromise and love; and a long unanswered question : Does true love really conquer all?





	To Ten Million Fireflies (Don't Say Goodbye)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Into the Forest of Fireflies.

_ In the beginning, I was lonely.  _

 

***

 

Footsteps rang loudly against hardwood floor, cutting through the quiet morning of a silent summer. In the background, a soft steaming noise was emitted from a rice cooker, the red light flickering to green, before turning off with a soft click. A hand shot out and grabbed the lid of the cooker, deft fingers lifting the pot out onto a mat. Blowing at the food, SeungWan turned towards the tupperware in front of her and arranged the ingredients neatly while waiting for the rice to cool down. 

 

Moments later, she reached out towards the rice when-

 

“Ah! Hot!”

 

Dropping the dollop of rice she had scooped up with her fingers, SeungWan brought them to her lips and blew, brow furrowing at the white item.

 

“Be careful, dear.”

 

Her mother’s voice floated from behind the counter, where she was peeling apples while reading the newspaper. Pouting, SeungWan nodded before attempting at the rice again, this time managing to roll a ball around the salmon pieces she had cut up. Soon she had a plastic container filled with them and she couldn’t resist clapping her hands together at the sight. 

 

Packing up the lunch boxes, SeungWan placed the bags by the front door, pushing her hair away from her sweaty brow. Glancing around, she caught the time on the large clock on the wall and stifled a swear, bounding up the steps like a maniac, the background to her mother’s exasperation.

 

“No running in the house!”

 

SeungWan sprinted down the steps once she had put on her uniform and grabbed the bags by the door, shouting out to her mother as she put on her shoes.

 

“I’ll be going now!”

 

Her mother hollered back fondly, the gentle swish of the newspaper page audible despite the distance.

 

“Have a good day! Remember to call once you’re there.”

 

SeungWan grinned and pulled the door open, feet pounding the pavement in order to catch her train on time.

 

***

 

_ I suppose you could say that my memories were filled with love. _

 

_ Though at the time, I’d never think of it that way. _

 

***

 

SeungWan glanced up from her fingers again, wanting to look around again and hoping that maybe, some time while she was crying, that she had somehow magically transported away from the woods and not be lost anymore. 

 

Unfortunately for the six year old, her surroundings were the same as before, lush green painted against blue skies while the crickets crooned loudly around her. 

 

It was still as beautiful.

 

And terrifying.

 

SeungWan burst into tears again, this time wailing loudly.

 

“I’m  _ LOST _ !”

 

Her volume increased exponentially, to the point she almost missed a soft voice calling out. 

 

“Hello?”

 

Like a record snagging on a needle, SeungWan’s cries sputtered to a stop, wide eyes glancing around for the source of the voice. Her eyes fell upon strands of hair floating in the wind, the purple glaringly obvious against the green of the environment. Following the mesmerising movement, SeungWan traced the flowing hair back to the owner-

 

And found herself looking straight into a white mask. 

 

She blinked once, twice and then opened her mouth to scream, when the white mask moved to reveal its connection to a very human body. 

 

The same soft voice rang out again.

 

“Hello? Are you lost?”

 

She stepped out from behind the tree she was hiding behind and now SeungWan could see it was an older girl, dressed in all white, the only splash of colour was her hair and the delicate intertwine of purple flowers on what she previously thought was a pure white mask. 

 

All these details did not matter to the young girl because SeungWan had gotten up to her feet and immediately started running at the older girl, her young heart lighter now that help was here. She extended her arms, ready to give the stranger a hug when she met face first with the tree, the other girl stepping back behind the tree with impressive speed. 

 

In pain but undeterred, SeungWan whipped around the tree, intent on giving her would be saviour that hug (to sweeten the deal. Or so she heard her father say.)

 

The girl dodged again and again, nimbly avoiding SeungWan’s gripping fingers.

 

However, SeungWan was anything but a quitter and she pushed her chubby legs faster, intent on hugging the life out of the girl and making her get her out of this forest. 

 

This time, a branch smacked her neatly on her head, causing her to fall backwards onto lush forest ground, SeungWan holding her head with both hands as she whimpered in pain. 

 

The girl, still brandishing the branch like a weapon, stuttered softly.

 

“I-I’m sorry, but I can’t let you touch me or I’d disappear.”

 

Utterly confused, SeungWan sat up and stared at the stranger, small hands still pressed against the bruise that was sure to appear later. 

 

“Disappear?”

 

The girl in the mask nodded. 

 

“You’re human, right?”

 

SeungWan’s face screwed up slightly and nodded, unable to comprehend what had seemed to her a fact.

 

“Yes!”

 

The girl in the mask waved the branch and shook her head.

 

“I can’t be touched by a human or I’ll disappear.”

 

SeungWan opened her mouth to ask her what she meant by that when the little girl caught sight of a tail- make that several tails- whipping lightly behind the girl, white and pure with a tinge of purple swirling around the tips. Mesmerised, the small girl scooted forward, hands leaving the forgotten bruise and reaching forwards to what seemed like the softest thing SeungWan would ever feel.

 

When the branch whapped her solidly on the head again. 

 

SeungWan let out a squeak, indignant until she remembered exactly what the girl (fox? Demon? spirit?) had just told her. She held her head with her hands again, directing her gaze towards the ground sufficiently chastised. She toed the ground and put on her best apologetic tone, fingers rubbing at the sore spot methodically. 

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

There was a soft rustle and SeungWan saw the branch offered to her. She looked up and the fox girl waved it once. 

 

“Hold onto it. I’ll guide you out of this forest.”

 

Tamping down her excitement and her urge to just hug the other girl again, SeungWan gingerly held the weapon with both hands, the both of them proceeding on through the woods silently. 

 

It was when they were reaching the edge of a clearing that SeungWan swore she recognised that something happened. A dark figure darted past them and landed on a thick branch on a tree in front of them, dark red eyes looking at the both of them with interest. 

 

“A human? In our forest?”

 

To SeungWan, it sounded like snakes hissing, irritating and loud,  and she released the branch to clasped her hands over her ears. The figure laughed, a shrill sound that caused the hair on the back of SeungWan’s neck to stand. 

 

“A tasty little morsel-”

 

The thing’s muffled words were cut off by the girl in the mask throwing her branch at it, her pale hand darting forward and whipping it forward like a dart. The end of it connected with the figure and the darkness bled away to reveal a strange looking bird, who took off with a very loud squawk once it realised its cover has been blown.

 

SeungWan slowly lowered her hands as the fox girl walked towards the branch and picked it up, offering it to SeungWan once again. She waited for SeungWan to hold it before continuing on. This time, they reached the edge of the forest without any interruption, the dark columns that spoke of the entrance looming overhead. Her face brightened at the sight and SeungWan hurriedly moved forwards, tugging onto the branch she was holding on.

 

Meeting with resistance, SeungWan turned around questioningly and saw that the fox girl was standing still, her tails flicking around her omnimously. The small girl gripped the branch tightly and pulled on it, her mouth forming a pout when the purple haired girl shook her head.

 

“I can't go past there.”

 

She shook SeungWan off softly and drew the branch back to her side, making a shooing motion towards the child.

 

“Go on. You'll be home in no time.”

 

Biting her lip and resisting yet another overwhelming urge to hug her saviour, SeungWan took a step towards the exit. Already, the quietness of the forest was receding and the hustle of the city was seeping in. When she looked behind, the fox girl’s image was wavering, like a mirage in the desert. 

 

Though she was young, SeungWan could understand that if she left like this, she would never see the girl again. 

 

So she whipped back around and cupped her tiny hands around her mouth, hollering as loud as she could.

 

“I'll come back tomorrow with a gift to thank you! Please remember to meet me here!”

 

The girl didn't acknowledge her, merely a white mask staring back at SeungWan. Being as persistent as she was, SeungWan shouted again, barely keeping her balance from the force of her words.

 

“I'm SeungWan! And I'll be back, fox lady!”

 

Silence.

 

SeungWan made a very unladylike noise and turned around, feet stomping against pavement. 

 

And then-

 

A soft voice cut through the air, light and weightless like a feather floating.

 

“I'll be waiting here, SeungWan. And I'm called JooHyun.”

 

Whipping back around, SeungWan beamed at the girl, both arms in the air waving hard.

 

“Okay! Bye, JooHyun!”

 

JooHyun bled back into the forest by the time SeungWan reached the base of the steps, almost like a memory that had faded. 

 

But SeungWan was young and she held the memory of a dear friend like the warmth in her chest.

 

And she was determined to keep it.

 

***

 

_ In the beginning, all I knew was the green of the forest and the quiet of the air. _

 

***

 

“JooHyun?”

 

SeungWan pulled her bag closer to her side and smoothened out her skirt, eyes darting around the clearing for the purple haired girl. 

 

The clearing, always beautiful at this time of year, greeted her back with small purplish flowers, not unlike those decorating JooHyun’s mask and waving green blades of tall grass. Wind blew against SeungWan’s face lightly, as gentle as a lover’s caress. 

 

She squinted against the sun and found the person she was looking for, JooHyun sprawled out on the ground like always, masked face tilted towards the sun, akin to a sunflower following the rays. Smiling, SeungWan made her way towards the girl, careful to avoid some of the flowers that were in full bloom. Once beside her, the brown haired girl took care sitting down, making sure that there was enough space between their arms. 

 

“Did you have a good day at school?”

 

SeungWan busied herself with her skirt.

 

“It went okay. I got high marks for a quiz again so that was a good point.”

 

JooHyun’s face turned towards her.

 

(Not for the first time, SeungWan wished that she would just take it off, wanting nothing more than to have the gaze that burned like a million suns directly on her face.)

 

The mask covered so much but even then, JooHyun was emotive enough that her concern was noticeable, SeungWan realising that she had already come closer.

 

(Closer and closer...

 

So close and yet so far). 

 

There was a pause, a lingering question in the air, before JooHyun pulled away, taking with her the air from SeungWan’s lungs as well. The fox spirit shook her head once, twice and then spoke again. 

 

“That’s good.”

 

Again, the silence of the forest enveloped them, a repetitive occurrence nowadays now that SeungWan has reached high school. 

 

JooHyun has been pulling away, fanning hot and cold with her concerns and her cold shoulders, making SeungWan half want to just break away and run free. 

 

Or to just spend her days like a normal highschool girl.

 

(And yet-

 

SeungWan can’t seem to pull away.)

 

She attempted to grasp at something, anything, to push away this stifling silence, stammering over her words to get JooHyun to look at her again.

 

“S-so! What shall we do today?”

 

JooHyun didn’t reply at first, only moving to lay back down on the grass. She gestured to the skies with one hand, voice soft against the rustling flowers.

 

“Let’s give the sky some attention today.”

 

SeungWan let out a breath, the sound lost against the hum of crickets and laid down by JooHyun, a infinitesimal amount of space between them.

 

(Just to be safe.

 

Always be safe.)

 

The sun was warm on her face and SeungWan closed her eyes, soaking in the warmth that came from the light. The tension eased from her chest, the gaping hole twisting close and then there was calm behind her eyes. Beside her, JooHyun radiated warmth and soon, laying under the blue sky, with only JooHyun on her mind, SeungWan forgot the silence from before. 

 

(Her fingers twitched, just a breath away from another set of fingers. 

 

Just like the silence, lingering, haunting, always reminding SeungWan of the price.

 

Just not now.)

 

***

 

_ What was love exactly? _

 

_ If I were to tell you my version of it, you wouldn’t understand. _

 

_ But I’ll try. _

 

***

 

True to her word, SeungWan was there by the steps where JooHyun had left her the day before. Between her fingers was a box of chocolates, hard earned through tearful pouting and scrubbing dishes the night before, the box nearly dented in by the amount of force she was exerting. Carefully, she walked up the steps, taking care to avoid the cracks. 

 

Upon reaching the top, she spotted JooHyun by the shadows, the Fox spirit half blended into the forest. Her image wavered slightly, before focusing into view once SeungWan crossed the threshold. Smiling widely, SeungWan held out the box of chocolates for the purple haired girl, grin growing larger when JooHyun gingerly took the box from her. 

 

The fox girl looked at it curiously, turning over the box and startling when the chocolates rattled against cardboard. She turned her attention towards SeungWan, a frown settling on her face.

 

“What is this?”

 

SeungWan’s lower lip jutted out and she answered loudly, taking two steps towards the other girl.

 

“Chocolates! You eat them!”

 

Again, JooHyun just stared at her and then stared at the box before tucking it by her side carefully. She took a step backwards from SeungWan who had stood too close and touched a tree, tilting her head.

 

“Thank you.”

 

They stood around awkwardly, SeungWan shuffling her feet and glancing at the other girl through her bangs, watching as JooHyun peeled off the packaging gently. Small hands pawed through the chocolates slowly, SeungWan noting that even her fingers were stained purple, a dash of colour on an otherwise white skin. Enraptured, SeungWan moved closer, completely forgetting the one rule her new friend had warned her about.

 

Just as she was about to reach for JooHyun’s fingers, a loud voice cut through their silence, the small girl jumping on the spot at the sound. JooHyun’s head whipped towards the noise, SeungWan’s attention following her lead and found a red haired girl peeking from  _ inside  _ the tree.

 

“Please don’t touch JooHyun.”

 

SeungWan gaped at the intruder while JooHyun moved away from her, a frown marring her pretty face.

 

“SooYoung, it’s alright. She knows.”

 

The tree spirit, SooYoung, merely shook her head and stared directly at SeungWan, the young girl squeaking meekly at the hard glare.

 

“If you touch her, she’ll disappear. She is very precious to us so I’ll appreciate you understanding that.”

 

She shot SeungWan another glare before melding back into the tree, gorgeous features winding into veins and bark and suddenly the tree was just a tree. JooHyun sighed and gestured for SeungWan to follow her, moving so quickly that it forced SeungWan to jog to keep up.

 

Throughout the journey, the woods kept whispering, loud and ominous in a way that had SeungWan wishing that she could cover her head with a blanket. Up front, JooHyun’s white dress was slightly out of reach, fading in and out of the green of the forest.

 

Finally, just when SeungWan was about to start screaming at the voices to stop, they exited the forest into a field of flowers. 

 

Her eyes widened at the sight, mouth dropping open at the purple flowers that decorated the ground, delicate and beautiful, not unlike the girl currently frolicking through them. Laughing out loud, SeungWan gave chase, her smile widening when JooHyun seemed to play along, the fox spirit darting in and out through the flowers.

 

After what seemed like eternity, SeungWan flopped down onto the ground, tired out from all the running around. Noticing that JooHyun had continued hovering at her peripheral, SeungWan stuck her hand out and wiggles her fingers, silently inviting the girl to sit beside her. 

 

JooHyun seemed to shrink away at the sight of her hand, even putting her own hands behind her back, as though the sight of them would cause SeungWan to grab them. 

 

Confused, SeungWan sat up quickly and was about to just pull JooHyun beside her (she was a little hurt, to be honest, at the rejection) when she remembered the red haired lady’s words. Her arms dropped by her side and she questioned meekly, unable to comprehend not touching.

 

(Her parents always gave her touches, loving rubs on her head to lifts off the ground like a plane. 

 

SeungWan can’t understand a life where you can’t touch anybody.)

 

“Why...why can’t I touch you?”

 

JooHyun did not look surprised at the question, face resigned as though she had been expecting it.

 

(Looking back, she probably was.

 

The way her face had turned older, even though in that moment, JooHyun had been the same age as her.) 

 

“I was found in this forest, when I was younger,  by the spirits.”

 

JooHyun turned to stare into the distance, white mask gleaming in the sunlight, momentarily blinding SeungWan into silence.

 

“I can’t remember much but according to SooYoung, I was very injured when I was found. They thought hunters had gotten to me, as I was a cub at the time.”

 

SeungWan nodded, noting the use of the word cub.

 

(She slipped it between the recesses of her memories, intent on studying as soon as she got home.)

 

“They brought me to the mountain god. The god who looks after this forest and all that came from it.”

 

The wind picked up, pulling along purple strands of hair with them. SeungWan watched as they danced, flicking in the air while they caressed JooHyun’s face.

 

(And suddenly-

 

So suddenly-

 

An ache in her chest.)

 

“The mountain god saved me. She gave me immortal life. But at a price.”

 

JooHyun raised an arm and a tail twirled around her bicep, one of the many that suddenly appeared.

 

Or that SeungWan had failed to notice.

 

(Even back then, JooHyun herself was the most distracting about her. Not her spirit status or her tails or even the colour of her eyes.

 

Just her.

 

But this is a story for later.

 

Much later.)

 

“If a human touches me, I will disappear.”

 

SeungWan wrenched open her mouth, her jaw somehow stuck after witnessing the dance between JooHyun and the wind.

 

“What do you mean disappear?”

 

JooHyun turned towards her, her blank mask a vision in the blue sky and spoke softly.

 

“It means you’ll never see me again.”

 

SeungWan’s mouth dropped open and she stood up quickly, hands folded behind her as she jumped up and down in protest. She ignored JooHyun’s sudden flinch and shouted loudly, her head shaking so hard she nearly fell over.

 

“No! I don’t want you disappear!”

 

JooHyun was still, voice calming as though talking to a cornered animal.

 

“I know, I won’t.”

 

“I really, really don’t want you to disappear!”

 

“And I won’t, just be careful-”

 

“No!”

 

At this point, SeungWan could already feel the onslaught of tears at the thought of losing her new friend, unable to differentiate JooHyun’s words anymore. Sniffing loudly, she opened her mouth to wail again when JooHyun cut her off, the purple haired girl hovering close, near enough for SeungWan to feel her comforting presence, yet far enough to be safe.

 

(The first of many.)

 

“It’s okay. You just have to make me a promise.”

 

SeungWan fell silent and nodded, tears slipping down her face.

 

“You have to promise not to touch me. Ever. Okay? Then I’ll be here forever.”

 

(Back then, forever sounded impossibly lovely, like the myth of the rainbow and the bridge of love with shining pots of gold and everlasting happiness.

 

Back then, SeungWan knew nothing of forever and the pain it brought.)

 

SeungWan sniffed loudly and nodded.

 

“I promise never to touch you! So please stay with me forever.”

 

JooHyun’s mask slipped up slightly, allowing for SeungWan to spot a small smile. She stared at the startlingly human expression, jumping when JooHyun dropped a crown of flowers on her head, fingers reaching up to touch the soft petals.

 

“A sign of our promise. We’ll be friends forever.”

 

SeungWan lowered her hand from her head and then she grinned, a fool like expression with tears dribbling down her face and her nose red.

 

But she cared not for it, only understanding of forever.

 

“Friends forever!”

 

***

 

_ In the beginning, there was an interruption to an otherwise quiet life. _

 

***

 

“Are you in love with someone?”

 

Silence. 

 

“Hey!”

 

SeungWan continued to pick at her food, barely registering the voice calling her. In her mind’s eye, she kept replaying the way the wind had picked up yesterday and blew JooHyun’s mask off, revealing the rarely seen face.

 

“Son SeungWan!”

 

Finally (and somewhat annoyed at the interruption of her daydream), SeungWan looked up from her food, finding herself face to face with a menacing pair of chopsticks. The wielder, Seulgi, waved it impatiently, SeungWan pulling back in the event her eyeball was taken out. Frowning, she pushed the chopsticks away and her lower lip jutted out, eyebrows furrowed in her best friend’s direction.

 

“You nearly blinded me!”

 

Seulgi returned the pout full force.

 

“You were ignoring me!!”

 

The both of them continued to make faces at each other before SeungWan finally stopped the mock fight, waving a hand and asking lightly.

 

“What did you say before?”

 

Seulgi paused, eyes widening as SeungWan watch her try to recall with utmost concentration.

 

“What was it- Oh yeah! I asked if you were in love with someone!”

 

SeungWan’s hands paused, chopsticks raised midair while holding onto a piece of rolled egg, for just a moment before they resumed their journey to her mouth. She took a delicate bite of her food, chewing thoughtfully before answering.

 

“I’m .... not in love with anyone. Where did you get that idea?”

 

(How to explain hair like spun silk and eyes like glimmering starlight, soft and bright and just as rare?

 

Or the fact that SeungWan has never considered it love but rather, a promise of forever, a promise upon a promise of summer nights and winter mornings.)

 

Seulgi pouted again, the tips of her eating utensils jabbing into her food petulantly.

 

“Really? It seemed like you were.”

 

SeungWan popped another piece of her egg into her mouth.

 

“And again, where did you get that idea?”

 

Seulgi thrust her chopsticks to her right, barely missing SeungWan’s nose with the path it took and pointed at a boy sitting at a couple of tables away. Embarrassed, SeungWan quickly pulled her friend’s arm down, hissing loudly at Seulgi.

 

“Seulgi!”

 

Seulgi tugged at her hand and hissed back.

 

“What?! I’m just saying, if you could reject  _ the _ jock, then you’re definitely in love with someone!”

 

SeungWan scoffed loudly and poked Seulgi on the forehead with her free hand.

 

“Dumbass, that just means I’m not interested!”

 

Seulgi’s mouth fell open, aghast at the statement.

 

“How!?”

 

Wendy gestured back exasperatedly. 

 

“I just am!”

 

Seulgi continued to gape at her, rice falling from her chopstick and onto her lap.

 

“It doesn’t make sense!”

 

“Not everyone is as desperate to seek love as you are, Seul.”

 

Seulgi placed hand over her heart and dribbled dramatically.

 

“You cut me. Truly. Wounded forever.”

 

Rolling her eyes, SeungWan resumed eating her food, ignoring the expectant look that Seulgi was shooting her. She started speaking once she had chewed everything, thoughtfully, carefully, words arranged in a precise manner so that her friend would be able to understand.

 

(How does she explain a love that could never be?)

 

“I just ... I’m not interested in a schoolgirl’s love. For me, I just want someone.... Who can make the silence loud and make the smallest of things, like watching the skies or making a chain of flowers, feel like I’m riding a rollercoaster.”

 

Seulgi made a noise but did nothing else to interrupt her monologue.  

 

“I want someone whose presence alone can offer me comfort. Someone who understands without saying anything.”

 

SeungWan blinked, suddenly aware of the tears pooling at the corners of her eyes. She put down her chopsticks slowly, raising her head to the ceiling while trying to make it less obvious that she had started to cry. She looked at the ceiling fan, hoping that the wind would dry her tears. She tilted her head down slightly when Seulgi spoke up, looking down fully when she heard the wistfulness lacing Seulgi’s every word.

 

“It sounds like you want a forever love. Not just one love.”

 

SeungWan opened her mouth to reply, only to be struck dumb by Seulgi’s following statement. 

 

“I’m almost jealous. You sound like you’ve already found your forever love.”

 

SeungWan blinked, again and again, trying to wash away the sudden purple hazing her vision. 

 

(At the back of her mind, the swish of a tail and the peek of white against the green of the forest haunted her.)

  
  


*

 

“JooHyun, look! A boy in class taught me how to climb a tree!”

 

SeungWan darted past JooHyun quickly, intent on showing off the skill she had picked up from school. She ignored the startled yell JooHyun had let out, the fox girl running after her, words filled with warnings following after the little girl.

 

“H-hey! SeungWan! Don’t- You’re going to hurt yourself!”

 

“I’ll be fine!”

JooHyun hollered again, the usually soft spoken spirit exasperated at SeungWan’s unruly behaviour.

 

“You’re going to fall off the tree!”

 

SeungWan put her foot at the crook of a bark just like the boy had showed her and hauled herself up. Her arms, previously spindly from youth, had filled up slightly due to sports in school and a growth spurt, pulled her up easily, SeungWan hopping onto the branch with ease. Grinning, she spun around to gloat, hands placed on her hips as she puffed her chest out with pride. 

 

“See, JooHyun! I told you!”

 

JooHyun looked up at her, blank mask barely masking the disgruntled vibe that she was putting out. Still grinning, SeungWan spun around in a circle.

 

When the branch made a loud cracking sound. Her legs slipped from beneath her, following the branch that had crashed loudly into the bushes. She let out a scream as she turned upside down, spotting JooHyun running towards her, hand outstretched towards her. 

 

( _ No! _ )

 

Almost immediately, SeungWan twisted her body midair, narrowly avoiding JooHyun’s fingertips and landing safely into a thicket of bushes that cushioned her fall. The brown haired girl scrambled out of the bushes and almost ramming into JooHyun, the fox spirit leant over and huffing, tails flicking in tandem.

 

“SeungWan! Are you okay?”

 

The girl ignored the question and pointed an accusing finger at her friend, her hands shaking slightly at the thought of what could’ve happened.

 

“You! JooHyun! You almost touched me!”

 

JooHyun pulled back slightly.

 

“Yeah! You fell out of a tree! You could’ve gotten hurt really badly!”

 

SeungWan shook her head violently, suddenly aware of how hard she was trembling.

 

(If they had touched at all-

 

_ No _ .)

 

“You shouldn’t have! You would’ve touched me, you would’ve disappe-”

 

JooHyun snapped back loudly.

 

“Did you really think that matters when you’re going to get hurt?!”

 

“Yes! I don’t want you to disappear!”

 

SeungWan stomped her foot, angry that JooHyun wasn’t getting it. She sat on the ground with a thump and kicked her legs out, arms folded in front of her chest as she stared at the ground hard.

 

And wondered why her vision was so blurry-

 

“Hey, don’t cry.”

 

Oh. 

 

That’s why.

 

SeungWan quickly wiped her tears away and shook her head.

 

“I’m not crying!”

 

She continued to stare at the ground until a white dress blocked the green from her sight, JooHyun kneeling right in front of her, pale hands resting on her knees and white mask on top of them. Looking up slightly, SeungWan saw that the girl had taken off her mask, revealing a pair of yellow eyes, irises that looked like slits widening underneath the dark of the shade. 

 

And somehow, despite the fearsome visual, SeungWan felt at peace. 

 

“You shouldn’t have to cry, okay? I promise I’ll be more careful.”

 

SeungWan kicked at the grass petulantly.

 

“You shouldn’t have. As you can see, I was fine.”

 

JooHyun knocked her head lightly with her mask, a soft tick against SeungWan’s hair.

 

“All I saw was my careless friend falling out of a tree. Can you blame me?”

 

SeungWan pouted and buried her face into her arms, still upset over nearly losing her friend. JooHyun laughed lightly and tapped her head again with the mask. 

 

“I won’t sit around and do nothing if you’re in danger, alright? Please don’t ask that of me.”

 

SeungWan mumbled through her hands. 

 

“What if I don’t want you to?”

 

JooHyun hummed, waiting for SeungWan to lift her head before she answered. 

 

“It would never happen. You’re my coloured tether in my otherwise monotonous world. I’d do anything to keep you safe.”

 

Utterly confused at the words JooHyun had chosen, SeungWan could only gape at her, frowning and squealing in protest when JooHyun hit her on the head again, this time the mask connecting with a loud thunk. She got up from her sulk and gave chase, previous transgression forgotten. 

 

JooHyun’s words forgotten.

 

(At the time, she was still too young to understand. 

 

At the time, all she knew was JooHyun had to exist.

 

At the time-

 

At the time, they were only SeungWan and JooHyun.)

  
  


***

 

_ When did it all change? _

 

_ Was it her smile? _

 

_ The way she continued to look at me as though I personally hung the sun in the air? _

 

_ Maybe it was the way she spoke to me, soft, loving, comforting? _

 

_ Or maybe it was the way her presence could not be matched, not by the sun, the stars, the skies. _

 

_ Her very presence that bespoke of starlight and stardust, compacted into a complicated being and put on this Earth just to meet me.  _

 

***

 

“You’re right. I did find her already.”

 

It was a testament to their friendship that Seulgi did not even blink at the pronoun or even the fact that SeungWan had already found her forever love. Her best friend, bless her soul, merely turned on her side, calling out softly from her side of the bed, quiet and comforting, anchoring SeungWan to reality in ways that JooHyun could never.

 

(JooHyun was fairytales and love all mixed in a complicated component, blowing hot and cold when it suited her and yet...

 

And yet she was the source of SeungWan’s warmth. 

 

Just not her  _ reality _ .)

 

“And? What happened?”

 

SeungWan buried her face in her pillow, the familiar helplessness welling up in the crevices of her heart, seeping through the cracks made by missed touches and silent rejections from both parties who can’t bring themselves to push it past the line. 

 

“SeungWan?”

 

She huffed, already feeling like she has been completely wrung out, her soul battered and bruised, her heart breaking soundlessly, a glass case in a vacuum seal.  

 

“I don’t think I can keep this forever.”

 

Seulgi made a noise, her hand reaching out to pat SeungWan on the head.

 

“And why is that?”

 

SeungWan rasped out her answer, putting forth a shape to a reality she has been avoiding.

 

“Because she can’t be here forever.”

 

Seulgi chuckled, an unsure sound that sounded more like a question mark in the air. She continued to pat SeungWan’s head and this alone almost sent SeungWan into tears.

 

(A painful reminder of what can never be.

 

She just wanted-)

 

“But no one can be around forever.”

 

SeungWan shook her head. 

 

“It’s not that.”

 

She took in a deep breath and turned her face to look at Seulgi, watching her friend’s face turn stricken at the sight of her. 

 

“Seulgi, I can’t even make sure she won’t disappear  _ now _ .”

 

Seulgi breathed out through her teeth, a soft whistling sound filling the room and the brunette shook her head, whispering softly, as one does when one is faced with the notion of death.

 

“Is she dying?”

 

SeungWan held back a sob, an irrefutable conclusion in the terms of human versus spirit death, her answer a breath in the wind, just as fragile as JooHyun’s existence in this realm.

 

“Yes.”

 

***

 

_ A splash of colour in an otherwise black and white life.  _

 

_ That was what she was to me.  _

 

_ Doesn’t it make sense to want to keep that colour? _

 

***

 

It was just there.

 

Calling out to her. 

 

A patch of white in a sea of purple. 

 

SeungWan was so tempted to touch. 

 

And so-

 

She crept up towards the sleeping girl, careful to avoid the tails currently spread out neatly by her, and knelt down by her head. She paused for a moment, observing the way JooHyun was still breathing lightly, still deep in sleep and completely unbothered by SeungWan’s presence.

 

Carefully, SeungWan placed her fingers on the mask (only on the mask, nowhere else, not even a whisp of hair) and tugged up gently. The mask, light and smooth under her fingertips, came off easily, a gentle shushing sound as porcelain kissed skin. SeungWan placed the mask by JooHyun’s head and rested her chin on her fists, eyes growing soft at the sight of the fox girl.

 

She could never understand why JooHyun chose to wear the mask. Apart from her eyes, more similar to a cat than a fox (the whisper of a cat lingered at the back of SeungWan’s mind), JooHyun looked perfectly normal. 

 

(Ethereal.

 

Looking back, JooHyun was ethereal. 

 

An angel placed on this Earth, never to be touched, to be tarnished by the sins of men or the desperation of love.)

 

SeungWan sighed and continued to stare, taking in the slope of JooHyun’s nose, the dip of the bow of her lips. Her eyes caressed the high forehead and the gentle curve of her jaw, white skin taking in the yellow of the sun and glowing softly, like a rainbow in the backdrop of rain, subdued and yet a very stark reminder of nature’s beauty. 

 

“I thought we said never to stare like a creep the last time you did this.”

 

JooHyun’s amused voice cut through her observations, eyelashes opening akin to ribbons on a Christmas present, gently unfurling to reveal golden irises that were twinkling merrily. SeungWan hummed and shook her head, returning the smile with a quirk of her lips.

 

“You said. I never agreed.”

 

JooHyun laughed quietly but made no effort to cover her face again, stifling her yawn behind her hands. Her eyes, dripping gold in the blessings of the sun, fell shut again, the fox spirit curling to her side comfortably.

 

“You’re lucky you’re still growing to be cute. Or I would’ve reported you for being a creep.”

 

(At fourteen, SeungWan was finally matching JooHyun’s height, the human girl growing at what seemed to be twice the speed of the fox spirit, even though JooHyun had been a couple of years older back when they first met at six. 

 

SeungWan wondered if there would ever come a day where she would finally be older than JooHyun.)

 

SeungWan grinned at the statement, her hand reaching out to take the mask. She placed it back on JooHyun’s head gently and spoke with just as much care, intent on keeping the warm atmosphere.

 

“I have superior genetics.”

 

JooHyun scoffed but otherwise made no other sound, the fox spirit falling back asleep soon after.

 

It did not bother SeungWan.

 

She was intent on burning the memory of JooHyun into her mind.

 

(Into her very soul, till the holes in her heart was filled with the very image of JooHyun’s smile, JooHyun’s scent.

 

Until all she could see was JooHyun.)

 

***

 

_ Sometimes, I’d just stare at her.  _

 

_ Maybe I’ll keep her forever. _

 

_ Maybe I won’t. _

 

_ But at least, I’d have the memory of her love with me, nestled between my ribs and buried in the cracks of my love. _

 

***

 

It was just one of those days.

 

Those days where you wake up and everything felt like it was wrong, the way your clothes felt on you, the way your classmates had been whispering, not  _ about _ you but somehow felt like it was. Your skin felt like it wasn’t sitting right and you just have the urge to cry at every single thing, from the way your shoes molded around your feet to the lunch lady telling you your favourite food has already been sold out. 

 

It was with this heavy feeling that Wendy went to the forest with, carrying with her a dark cloud that hovered over her. She could barely see the path in front of her, with the amount of tears pooling at her eyes but she could only think of heading to the (their) meadow, where purple met with white and the sun framed everything beautifully. 

 

And when it came to view, SeungWan could only feel relief. 

 

Right in the middle of the flowers, just as SeungWan arrived at the meadow, was JooHyun. As always, her face was tilted towards the sun, white mask glinting under the light, as though she was soaking up the rays. Her attention, just like always, turned towards SeungWan the moment the brunette stepped foot onto the path of broken flowers, tails flicking around her in welcome. 

 

But not like always, JooHyun did not just greet her. 

 

Instead, the fox spirit stood up immediately and went to SeungWan, hand hovering over SeungWan’s cheek as she questioned with concern.

 

“SeungWan, are you okay?”

 

It was a simple question, one that someone would ask if SeungWan so much as pouted. 

 

But for some reason, coming from JooHyun, with concern radiating from her, despite the mask that blocked all her facial expression, and the almost touch that was there to comfort her, it had SeungWan crying, quiet tears streaming down her face as she struggled not to just press her face into the care that was JooHyun. Instead, she had to clench her fists into her skirt and hold herself upright, never giving into the desire for fear of forever losing JooHyun.

 

And it made her cry harder. 

 

JooHyun, if possible, shifted even closer, making soft shushing sounds as she tried to comfort SeungWan. Her presence enveloped SeungWan like a hug (she would never receive), the wind that always seemed to follow JooHyun like a shadow picking up around them slightly. 

 

The flowers she loved so much twirled around her feet, soft petals caressing at her calves and JooHyun continued to speak in calming voice, anchoring SeungWan away from the dark cloud that threatened to engulf her. 

 

“It’s okay to cry. Some days, you just need to. So please cry it all out. I’ll be here for you.”

 

And she did. 

 

SeungWan continued to cry, tears mapping the contours of her face and wetting the palms of her hands when she raised them to wipe her cheeks. She cried for all the times she felt like she was stuck in a loop, for the times when  the future was uncertain and when friends became enemies who backstabbed her for being smart. She cried for the little things, a book that fell on her toe and that pancake she burnt this morning despite trying so hard.

 

Mostly she cried because of all the times she was sad and unhappy, forever wailing and in trouble, JooHyun would be right there, a white beacon in the midst of a sea of turmoil, quiet and unassuming, giving her touches she will never be able to give just to comfort SeungWan. 

 

Just for SeungWan. 

 

(And inside, her heart broke into a million pieces realising that she had fallen in love with JooHyun.)

  
  


***

 

_ Time was always against us. _

 

_ It was only a matter of time. _

 

_ But until then, I wanted to stay by her side. _

 

***

 

SeungWan stared at the girl in front of her incredulously, voice hoarse from shouting earlier and whispered her question to the quiet forest air, the creak of the branches and the whispers of the wind mysteriously silent in the midst of their fight. 

 

“What do you mean?”

 

JooHyun took in a deep breath, body half covered by shadows, reminding SeungWan of how she always disappeared whenever the brunette crossed the threshold between the woods and the city. She repeated herself slowly, enunciating each syllable as though SeungWan had not heard her the first time.

 

(She did.

 

Every last word.

 

Every last heart shattering word.)

 

“It’s okay to forget about me.”

 

SeungWan raised her voice, ignoring the crack due to the strain she was putting on it.

 

“You  _ want _ me to forget about you?!”

 

JooHyun chuckled sadly, already almost merging with the shadows. 

 

“I cannot give you what you need. This body, maintained by the benevolence of the mountain god, is weak. Weak enough that a mere human touch will shatter me from within.”

 

SeungWan hissed back at her, her hand smacking the tree beside her in frustration. 

 

“I don’t need any of that! How can you tell me to forget about like- like you’re  _ nothing _ to me! You’re everything to me! Even when I’m not around you, I want to be with you!”

 

JooHyun shook her head, her voice filled with the tears SeungWan can never see.

 

“And you think I don’t want to? Sometimes, when you can’t come here, even though I can never pass the threshold or be in a crowd, I want to go past all that just to come see you. But it doesn’t make sense. I am a ghost. You’re a girl. You deserve better than this.”

 

_ Better than me _ .

 

SeungWan laughed, a shrill sound that grated on ears and she moved towards JooHyun, for once not caring about the way JooHyun had flinched away from her.

 

(She needed for her to understand-

 

Why can’t JooHyun understan-)

 

“Why can’t you understand that you’re the only one that I want? Why can’t you understand that  _ I  _  decide what’s best for me?”

 

JooHyun answered back, words laced with pain and longing.

 

“And why am I the best for you?  _ How _ am I the best for you?”

 

Frustrated, SeungWan threw her hands in the air and gestured towards herself.

 

“Because you’re  _ here _ . You’re always here for me. Even at my loneliest, you’re the only person who would offer me comfort despite every warning you’ve given me.”

 

Her volume dropped low, forcing JooHyun to come closer in order to hear her words, syllables breaking and pieces of her glass heart fragmenting with every word. 

 

“Because you love me despite everything. Because  _ I love you despite everything _ .”

 

JooHyun didn’t move, as though SeungWan’s confession had her frozen in ways that had SeungWan’s heart racing (in fear, in anticipation, in-).

 

And then-

 

In a swift motion, JooHyun pulled off her mask, SeungWan barely glimpsing at the tear streaked face before that same mask was covering her face. Through it, SeungWan could feel the heat from JooHyun’s fingers, electrifying and warm, covering her like a waft of clouds on a warm sunny day. 

 

(And everything she could ever wish for.)

 

“If I could turn back time, you’d be forever mine, SeungWan. But I can’t. Would it be enough for me to offer you a now?”

 

And without waiting for an answer, JooHyun pressed her lips to the indent of the mask, pressing against the bottom of SeungWan’s chin in a caress that made the brunette wish for many more kisses.

 

(So many more kisses.)

 

And then she moved up slightly and pressed a kiss to SeungWan’s lips.

 

Her kiss went through the mask and into the very cracks of SeungWan’s heart, not quite healing but enough for the pieces to start to meld together.

 

(Enough for SeungWan to keep floating in the ocean of this impossible love.)

 

“I can only offer you a now, SeungWan. An I love you for now. Because I’ll never have forever. Is that enough?”

 

Even though her answer was a no, SeungWan could only nod in response. 

 

(Even though it was a lie, SeungWan still said yes.

 

Because even though it was never enough, it had to be.

 

Because their love was doomed from the moment JooHyun stepped away from the tree and offered her help.)

 

***

 

_ It was hard- _

 

_ No. _

 

_ It was impossible to forget someone who has given you so much to remember. _

 

_ It was impossible to forget about her _ .

 

***

 

“You’re in love with her.”

 

It was a cutting statement, delivered with no tone, only efficacy, as always with SooYoung. JooHyun didn’t bother to answer, knowing that the tree sprite would anticipate her reply and subsequent lie, and continued to stare at the sky.

 

(Where the blue and white mixed together reminded her of SeungWan and the way she offered a glimpse of forever without ever saying anything.)

 

“You know that it will never end well. Especially for you.”

 

JooHyun could only hum in response.

 

SooYoung shook her head, exasperated at her negligence and continued to speak, her monotonous voice, for once, inflicted with concern. 

 

“You could die, JooHyun.”

 

JooHyun breathed a long sigh and turned to look at SooYoung, a splash of red in a sea of purple. 

 

“I know.”

 

She watched as SooYoung’s face contorted angrily, watched at the way she snarled at JooHyun’s carelessness. 

 

“Then  _ why _ ?”

 

“Because I can’t let go. So I will wait for her to let go first.”

 

SooYoung seemed to deflate at her honest answer, barely even able to respond to it with the same bravado as before. 

 

“Why would you do this to yourself, JooHyun?”

 

JooHyun laughed to herself, a quiet sound that sounded sad and she shook her head. 

 

“Because I lived a long life. But she’s the only one who made me feel like I’ve  _ lived _ .”

 

With that, she turned away from SooYoung again, not wanting to fight with her friend and protector over something SooYoung will never understand. 

 

(Her life was long but fragile. 

 

Her life was empty and monotonous.

 

If ever SeungWan chose to let go, JooHyun will wait for it to happen.

 

A coloured tether should never remain a tether.

 

Especially to a wisp of a flame in danger of going out.) 

 

***

 

_ I can’t regret anything. _

 

_ Even if our goodbye hurt more than anything in this world because I will never say hello to her again... _

 

_ I can’t regret anything. _

 

_ Not when she  _ is _ the coloured tether to my otherwise monotonous life.  _

 

_ Not when I got the chance to meet her. _

 

***

 

“What did you say this festival was for again?”

 

SeungWan watched in awe at the different spirits surrounding them, from big to small, colourful to dark blobs, all dressed in their summer’s best and walking around, like normal beings at a normal festival. Beside her, JooHyun chuckled happily, SeungWan turning just in time for her to see her eyes curve into a smile, eyebrows disappearing into the mask that was covering her head for today.

 

(It was a shock to her when SeungWan arrived in the forest, seeing the mask put so casually on JooHyun’s head. 

 

But she didn’t question it.)

 

“It’s the festival of fireflies. Look. They are right there.”

 

SeungWan turned her head towards the direction the purple haired girl was pointing and saw a group of sprites hovering around the main stage, glowing softly in the dark in a way that had nothing to do with the soft lantern lights surrounding them.

 

“Every year, a festival is held in honour of them. It was believed, since long ago during the first mid autumn festival, that the fireflies had guided the goddess up to the moon where she belonged. So we hold a festival in their honour.”

 

SeungWan nodded in understanding, managing to catch every word despite the bustle of the forest. For once, the perpetually dark forest was alight with life, an almost human sight in SeungWan’s eyes. And with this life, she caught a glimpse into how JooHyun was away from their time together.

 

(It made her warm in the center of her chest.)

 

She continued to take in the sight around her before being pulled away by a tug on her wrist band. She looked down, following the length of the cloth that kept her tethered to JooHyun before looking into JooHyun’s eyes, the gold softening to the colour of candlelight in the midst of the red and yellow hues around them.

 

“Come on, SeungWan. Let’s visit the booths.”

 

SeungWan nodded happily and followed the fox spirit around.

 

They visited each booth with vigour, playing around the games and smelling (eating for JooHyun)the variety of food that surrounded them.

 

Just for one night, they were normal.

 

Just for one night, SeungWan could pretend that they were just a couple on a date. 

 

(Just for one night, SeungWan can forget about their fight. 

 

About their lack of forever and their now.)

 

Just for one night, they can be SeungWan and JooHyun again.

 

And yet again, just like how it always is when JooHyun took off her mask, Wendy stared at JooHyun’s face. She took in her side profile and the way JooHyun’s lips quirked into a smile and how her laugh translated in her eyes. She stared, wondering if she’ll ever get to continue seeing this and slowly kept these anecdotes in the crevices of her memory, her only version of forever in this lifetime. 

 

And so, the night went on.

 

With laughter and soft smiles, with happiness and a taste of forever.

 

And it was truly the best time of SeungWan’s life. 

 

*

 

“Did you have fun?”

 

SeungWan turned to where JooHyun was, a couple of steps behind her, mask twirling between her fingers even as her tails flicked around her. The brunette noted the nervousness in the lines of the purple haired girl’s face and in the way the tails kept twirling around JooHyun’s legs and she answered in accordance, incapable of keeping the joy from her voice.

 

“Yes. I did. Thank you for bringing me here!”

 

(Thank you for bringing me into a part of your life I could never see.)

 

JooHyun’s eyes curved into that smile again, the same smile mirrored on her lips and she nodded. 

 

“Good. Then take this.”

 

The fox spirit held out the mask in front of her, the white and purple design still visible under the cover of night. SeungWan looked at it in confusion before turning that confusion towards JooHyun, growing even more confused when JooHyun laughed, mask shaking in front of SeungWan’s face. 

 

“It’s for you. A souvenir of tonight.”

 

_ A souvenir of our now _ .

 

SeungWan tittered anxiously, eyes darting towards the mask and then to JooHyun.

 

“Are you sure? You wear it- I thought-”

 

JooHyun shook her head and held out the mask again, gesturing for SeungWan to take it.

 

“I don’t think I need to wear the mask around you anymore.”

 

The implication behind her words was clear and SeungWan quickly took the mask between her fingers, carefully avoiding JooHyun’s that were curled just by hers. 

 

A laugh bubbled in her chest and SeungWan put the mask on her face, dropping her voice low and she started to mimic JooHyun, delighted in the way JooHyun laughed.

 

“I’m a fox spirit!”

 

She continued to joke around, bouncing on the balls of her toes and running circles around JooHyun and joking around. The forest canopy soon changed to the starry night skies, the same stars that were reflected in JooHyun’s eyes and it only made SeungWan happier and more hyper, the girl continuing her happy hops by the edge of the cliff.

 

Until-

 

JooHyun’s voice rang out sharply, a cut through the merry atmosphere they had built on their walk.

 

(A sudden flashback to the time she climbed the tree.)

 

“SeungWan, look out!”

 

SeungWan turned her head but it was a little too late. Her foot slipped and she found herself tilting backwards, mask gripped tightly in her left hand even as she found herself arcing in the air. She closed her eyes and braced for impact, the wind whistling in her ears as she fell off the cliff they were walking by.

 

And then a hand grabbed her wrist. 

 

SeungWan found herself jerking midair and then found herself cradled in the crook of JooHyun’s neck, the spirit’s skin warm against her own. Her heart, racing in fear before, started to slow down, the comfort that was always JooHyun assuring her she was safe. By her ear, JooHyun’s breath came out in gasps, her fingers tight around the material of SeungWan’s shirt. 

 

Trembling and trembling in fear of what could’ve happened. 

 

They stayed like that for a moment, SeungWan taking the time to enjoy JooHyun’s embrace.

 

Before her eyes snapped open.

 

She quickly pushed away from JooHyun and she stared at the fox spirit in horror, looking at her hand to JooHyun’s before looking up to JooHyun’s eyes. There, she met with quiet resignation and JooHyun quietly sighed, a small sad smile on her face. 

 

“I told you before. I won’t sit around and do nothing if you’re in danger. It means nothing to me if I can’t stop you from getting hurt.”

 

SeungWan felt her eyes prick with tears and then she realised-

 

JooHyun had already started to fade. 

 

Little pinpricks of light was already engulfing her extremities, like fireflies had taken flight from JooHyun’s own body. The lights, beautiful and terrible, then floated up to the skies, towards the moon they so loved.

 

And away from SeungWan. 

 

Tears rolled down her face and SeungWan could only whimper, arm stretching out towards the fading spirit. 

 

JooHyun smiled, no longer sad but also not happy and pulled on her fingers, back into the embrace they were in before. 

 

“Just before I go, can I give you all the hugs I never got to give?”

 

SeungWan pulled her arms around JooHyun and hugged back tightly, tears spilling over her chin and onto JooHyun’s dress, the white turning into a wisp of a flame, flickering and flickering-

 

“SeungWan.”

 

The fox spirit pulled away slightly and her hands framed SeungWan’s face. Her thumbs rubbed at the tear tracks streaking the crying girl’s face and JooHyun spoke softly, every breath a whisper of a kiss onto SeungWan’s lips. 

 

“SeungWan, don’t cry.”

 

SeungWan shook her head and brought her hands up to cup JooHyun’s, gripping it tightly even as they started to dissolve under her touch. 

 

“I can’t.”

 

JooHyun smiled again and then she moved forwards, pressing their lips together in a bittersweet kiss.

 

A goodbye kiss. 

 

“You have to.”

 

JooHyun whispered as they part, the twinkling lights already turning purple from the colour of her hair. 

 

“Because I need you to continue this journey for me. With me.”

 

Her finger caressed the bottom of SeungWan’s lips.

 

“I need you to live. For me. Because of me. Because of forever.”

 

SeungWan cried softly, her fingers slipping past the disappearing hands. 

 

“How? How can I when I’m without you”

 

The lights had now engulfed JooHyun’s face, covering the smile that was akin to the sun for SeungWan.

 

“Because you’re not without me. I am right here. With you.”

 

She pressed her fading fingers to the middle of SeungWan’s chest, right at the crack that split her heart into two, a shattering of a million pieces, following the path of fireflies towards the moon. 

 

“I’m the wind that will comfort you and the moon that looks over you. I will always be here.”

 

Desperate, SeungWan pushed her head forwards and caught a kiss right before she fell through JooHyun, the fox spirit already blinking out of existence even as SeungWan continued to stare through her tears. 

 

“Live for me. Please, SeungWan.”

 

Her answer followed JooHyun in the journey of the fireflies, even as she said goodbye to someone who she wished she never had to. 

 

“I will.”

 

Even as the lights faded through the night, SeungWan sat there, in the dark, on the ground, feeling colder than ever, with tear tracks on her face and her fingers tight around a mask she would never wear. She sat there, crying and crying, ignoring the same redhead that had warned her about this on her first trip to the forest. It was only when the redhead pulled her up roughly that she could stop crying, looking up to a face that spoke of the same loss she felt. 

 

“JooHyun would want you to be safe. Come. I’ll lead you out.”

 

SeungWan nodded, seeing nothing in this forest that could tie her here anymore and followed the red haired sprite out. 

 

And to the ten million fireflies, with every tear she shed, she said goodbye.

 

And then she left a lifetime of memories in the forest.

 

With the wind on her back like a shadow. 

 

(Please don’t say goodbye.

 

_ JooHyun, come back _ .)

  
  


***

 

_ The saddest thing in life is saying goodbye to someone you wished to spend the rest of your life with.  _

 

_ A chance I had never gotten. _

 

_ But if I met her once, I’m sure I’ll meet her again. _

 

_ Whether in this lifetime or the next... _

 

_ JooHyun and I will meet again. _

 

_ Love again _ .

 

***

 

“Dear, you’re going to be late if you don’t make a move now.”

 

Her mother’s voice broke through her concentration, SeungWan almost dropping the pancake she had been flipping moments before. Swearing softly, SeungWan plated the food item hastily and dropped the pan in the sink, ignoring her mother’s harrumph of protest and sprinting out of the kitchen. Her mother made another noise and called out after her in exasperation, a long time ritual between mother and daughter.

 

“Don’t run in the house! Do you want me to pack the pancake for you?”

 

SeungWan hollered over her shoulder even as she bounded up the steps, rushing through the motions of changing. 

 

“Yes, please!”

 

“Alright! Hurry up! You don’t want to be late for the first day of college!”

 

Her mother was standing at the door with the packet in hand the moment she appeared at the front door, a fond look of annoyance on her face at her daughter’s tardiness. SeungWan pressed a swift kiss to her wrinkled cheek and grabbed at the package, waving at her mother even as she rushed out of the door, purple Converses barely even put on properly. 

 

“Bye! I’m heading off now!”

 

She stepped out into the warm summer, sunlight beating down on her back in a way an old friend would greet her.

 

A wind blew past her as she started running.

 

Comforting.

 

Soft.

 

Familiar.

 

SeungWan smiled.

 

And then-

 

“I love you too.”

 

And then she continued her journey. 

 


End file.
